Big Fucking Deal

It occurred to me at 3am last night when I was awake wondering where the rain was. I’ve been obsessed with the rain–or more accurately, the lack of rain. It’s been a distraction all summer. In our little corner of the shore, we’ve had exactly 3 days of rain since May. It’s depressing to me. Every beautiful, shiny day there is no rain to interrupt the tedium of shining beauty. I am suspicious of the beauty. It shouldn’t be. No one deserves this much perfect weather. So instead, I focus on the drying, wilting aspect of a rainless summer: the high water bills for keeping our little garden intact and the sunburns.

And that’s what occurred to me last night as I lay awake: I’ve displaced my expectations for a texturally interesting and climactically diverse summer with the feelings of melancholy for releasing my book with no fanfare.

None, whatsoever.

So I wrote the book, with all the effort that any author–independent or otherwise–writes and releases a book. And it’s out. And that’s it. Sure I’m promoting it, but not so much. I mean really, one can only beg reviewers to review it so much. And one can tout it only so much on Twitter without people getting sick of seeing your same 140 character description and link. And the blog, well, what else can you do on your own blog to promote your book but keep a sticky post with the info?

I grew weary of calling and visiting every indie bookstore in a 50 mile radius to carry the book on consignment, only for them to look at me like I have ten heads. I grew weary of begging cafes and bookstores to let me do a reading, because I got sick of getting the brushoff. No one really gives a shit, problematically, so fighting against the tide just isn’t in the cards for me right now.

I’m not hanging around Amazon, so forget that. I wrote to Bonnie Bernstein at ICM, Harvey Keitel’s agent, in the random hopes she’d pick up the email and call me back about the book. But my overnight energy to get the book made into a film was dashed when even my two friends in the film industry didn’t email me back.


So I wrote and released a couple of books. Big fucking deal.

Now when’s it going to rain?


Filed under Back(stabbed) In Brooklyn, commentary, Uncategorized

5 responses to “Big Fucking Deal

  1. Don’t feel despondent. It’s very hard to get a book noticed with so many out there. Not impossible though. Is there a hometown newspaper where you live? They might like to interview a local writer. :)

    And you may not want to hear this, but get started on book number 3.

    • Meh, that’s all it is, I guess.

      While there is always more to do, it’s not gratifying anymore to keep begging local newspapers, playhouses, and other creatives for a piece of their time, so I’m done.

      Yes, of course I’ll keep writing. I’ve got Maggie & May to finish, and that’s my fall project.

      You know sometimes it’s just weird. I love the work I do. I love writing, I love reading it. I love the stories I get to tell. I just have to get to the point where I don’t give a shit if no one else likes to read it. I guess I’m not there yet.

      Thanks, Marisa, as always, for your thoughts.

  2. Wow, I can almost beleive that I wrote that post.

    It’s very similar to my own situation in nearly every single way, except the rain bit. I too lost interest in trying, begging, Twittering and facebooking ad-infinity, about my book. Self promotion is just not my thing. I am very proud to have published a book, albeit an off-center one, but putting in the hours in front of the computer and sending out loads of emails and getting not much more than indifference in return, started to wear me down.

    So what next? Stop promoting my hard worked on novel? Give it all up? I did consider that, then I thought… well, I’ve written this thing my way, now I will try to promote it my way.

    Therefore I am trying to think of some creative ways to market the book – ways which will be fun rather than tedious. A video/flash animation thingy is one thing I am working on. Maybe no one will watch it or maybe it will do viral, who knows. I do know that I am enjoying putting it together though, which makes it all worth while. I feel like I am back in control, making my own rules, as it were. Just a thought.

    Greg Dawe

    • A-ha, more on these video things! Zoe Winters, Marc Nash and Todd Keisling are some of my favorite online buddies who have produced excellent, well-received videos promoting their books. They’ve all been on me about doing one. Meh.

      I’m on the fence about it. I talked about this once in a blog post last year through my *other* persona, and it’s because I’m a wannabe filmmaker, so unless it’s a top-quality video that doesn’t look like I shot it in my living room, I am afraid to embark on it.

      For now, I’d rather be grumpy and scratch my head as to why the fuck some of my friends and even my own brother in law hasn’t said a word to me about my having published books.


      Thanks for reading and please do try to cheer me up!


  3. the alternative Lenox is to drag someone along to your next reading with a camcorder and get them to record it. Yeah the quality may be wobbly, but the atmosphere and your assuredness should come across just fine

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